Who Am I?—Questioning, Shedding, and Observing Identity

Who Do I Think I Am?

An abstract image that conveys the themes questioning identity and history

For much of my life, I never had the opportunity to truly re-examine my identity. The way I saw myself was shaped by external influences, reinforced by habitual patterns of thinking and emotional responses to the material world. The first real shift happened when I became aware of how strongly I was attached to certain ideas about myself—and how constrained I felt by those attachments.

All transformation, in a way, begins with an inner longing—a deep desire for complete freedom and expansion beyond boundaries. This longing drew me to the right “teachers” at different points in my life. Each encounter reflected a part of myself, mirroring my evolving understanding of who I thought I was.

About eight or nine years ago, I made a significant decision: I traveled to a new city alone, staying for several months. This journey, both physical and internal, opened a door to self-exploration. Away from familiar surroundings, the habitual thought loops and emotional triggers tied to my environment loosened their grip. My mind became clearer, my awareness sharper, revealing an innate sensitivity that had always been there—hidden beneath the fast-paced rhythm of daily life.

Why Is Identity an Illusion?

Living in a new city, shedding many of my previous roles, I felt an unexpected lightness. Of course, I still carried some core aspects of my identity, but this shift in environment allowed me to question their real value. Did my job title, social status, or achievements truly define me? Were they permanent?

In this unfamiliar space, no one knew who I had been before. I could have told any story about myself, and it would have been accepted without question. But as I recounted my own history to strangers, I experienced a strange detachment—like I was narrating someone else's life.

I listened to others share their own identities, their carefully constructed self-narratives. In those moments, it felt like only our shared experience in the present mattered. The past seemed irrelevant. After parting ways, we might never cross paths again.

This realisation struck me: If identity was so fluid, so dependent on external perception, then was it ever truly real?

Have You Ever Felt Lost?

In this dance of confusion, they ultimately find their way home.

Why do you sometimes feel like "none of this feels real”?Why does achieving your goals still leave you unsatisfied?

These moments of confusion might be signs that you are waking up to the illusion of identity.

I reflected on my own milestones—getting accepted into my dream university, receiving an international scholarship, landing my first job. These were supposed to be defining achievements. But how long did that sense of accomplishment actually last?

Looking back, those moments feel blurred, like the peak of a rollercoaster ride—fleeting, exhilarating, and then suddenly over. The game resets, and the next challenge awaits. Even if I repeated the experience, the thrill would never be as intense as the first time.

And so, the cycle continues. But does anything truly last?

I found myself drifting between meditation and art, seeking moments of peace and fulfilment. Sometimes, in a foreign place, lost in the creative flow of painting or in the stillness of meditation, I would feel a sense of quiet presence. Yet, even that was temporary. No experience, no state of being, is permanent.

This was my most profound experience of feeling lost.

A Practice: The Identity Stripping Experiment

Try this simple thought experiment:

1. Write down everything you currently believe defines you—your roles, labels, and identities.

2.  Now, imagine that all of these were taken away. Who remains?

3. Observe your emotions: Do you feel anxious? Free? Disoriented? Notice which identities you are most attached to.

This practice can reveal how much of your identity is built on external constructs rather than an intrinsic sense of self.

Art Practices: An Invitation to Draw, Paint, and Observe

• Mirror Observation Portrait:

  Look into a mirror and observe yourself with kindness. Draw your portrait with soft lines, focusing on your presence rather than appearance. Notice how self-perception shifts through the practice.

  
  

• Draw Your Breath:

  Sit quietly and observe your breathing. With each inhale, draw a line or shape that feels natural. With each exhale, continue or change the shape. Let the rhythm of your breath guide the movement of your hand.

Art, dance, and any form of expression that bypasses rational thought offer a powerful gateway to this realisation. They provide an alternative channel to experience yourself beyond the mind’s constructs.

This is an invitation—a journey of continuous exploration.